


I Tried

by orphan_account



Series: The Year Without Him [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-26
Updated: 2012-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-04 08:58:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Song is Remember When it Rained by Josh Groban: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLKF2Es266c</p>
    </blockquote>





	I Tried

**Author's Note:**

> Song is Remember When it Rained by Josh Groban: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLKF2Es266c

A ten minute drive.  
Half an hour of hiking.  
That's all it took.  
It was late at night, or early morning, not that he cared.  
His head was void of all thoughts, his body void of all feeling as he moved aside the last ferns and branches, before stepping into the small clearing.  
The young man took a deep breath, not noticing the smell of flowers.  
He walked through the clearing, sitting down on a fallen tree, which was like a natural bench.  
To him, the place hadn't changed at all since the first time he was there, when they were there.  
One thing had changed however. One small thing.  
Raindrops started falling softly, but he paid them no attention, his mind only seeing the past, that day two years ago.

***flashback***

"Blaine, it's lovely!" Kurt exclaimed upon entering the clearing.  
"I'm glad you like it," his boyfriend said, sneaking his arms around the waist of the slightly taller boy.  
"LIKE IT?!" Kurt retorted. "Are you crazy?"  
"If by crazy you mean crazy for you, then I am guilty as charged," Blaine answered, planting a small peck to Kurt's neck. Kurt poked his tongue out at him, laughing.  
"Then I am crazy too"  
"Oh, so you are crazy about yourself? A bit shellfish aren't we?" Blaine said, mock hurt coloring his voice.  
"Obviously."  
Kurt turned, and smiled down at his boyfriend.  
Boyfriend.  
His boyfriend.  
Even after four years of dating, four years of calling him his boyfriend, Kurt would never tire of calling him just that.  
Blaine took his hand, leading him to the fallen tree at the other edge of the clearing.  
They smiled at each other, both thinking back to the day when Blaine showed up at McKinley and sang Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know", on the first day of Kurt's transfer back to his old school.  
He coaxed Kurt into sitting down at it, smiling nervously down at him as he did.  
"Is something wrong Blaine?" Kurt asked, a bit worried.  
"No, no, not at all babe"  
He took a deep breath and pulled something out of his pocket.  
Then he got down on one knee. Tears welled in Kurt's eyes.  
Blaine opened the box, and looked up in his boyfriend's eyes.  
"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, will you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my husband?"  
"Oh Blaine! Yes, yes, a thousand times YES!"  
Kurt threw his arms around his boyf-, nay, fiancé, knocking them both to the ground, covered in flowers.  
He kissed Blaine, tears streaming from his eyes. They sat up, and Blaine put the simple gold band on his finger.  
They laughed and cried and kissed each other, whispering "I love you's" in between the kisses.

***End flashback***

Whilst being locked in his memories, the rain had started to fall heavily, blending with the tears he hadn't realized he'd shed.  
His chestnut hair laid flat and and dripping against his porcelain skin.  
Not that he cared.  
He stopped caring exactly one year ago, when he got the message.

***flashback***

A knock on the door.  
He opened.  
Outside, a policeofficer.  
"Kurt Hummel?"  
"Yes?" Kurt's brow furrowed in confusion.  
"This is the residence of a Mr Blaine Anderson, right?"  
"Yes." Now he was worried. Where was Blaine anyways?  
"At 06:34 this morning he passed away; it was a hit-and-run by a trailer. The paramedics tried all they could, but his life was not to save."  
Kurt could only stare at the officer in confusion.  
"I'm sorry for your loss sir."  
It hit him then, what the man had said.  
Kurt sank to the floor.

***End flashback***

_Wash away the thoughts inside  
That keep my mind away from you  
No more love and no more pride  
And thoughts are all I have to do_

'I don't want to forget you'

_Ohhhhhh remember when it rained  
I felt the ground and looked up high and called your name  
Remember when it rained  
In the darkness I remain_

"'BLAINE!"  
Kurt yelled at the sky, which was now pouring, mixing the raindrops with his own tears.

_Tears of hope run down my skin  
Tears for you that will not dry  
They magnify the one within  
And let the outside slowly die_

'I won't stop hoping that this was all just a dream'

_Ohhhhhh remember when it rained  
I felt the ground and looked up high and called your name  
Remember when it rained  
In the water I remain_

"BLAINE!"

_Running down...  
Running down...  
Running down...  
Running down...  
Running down...  
Running down...  
Running down..._

He fell to his knees in the now soaked grass. He did not notice it. He was soaked as well.  
His arms wrapped tight around his upper body, shaking with silent tears.  
He threw his head back and screamed at the sky.

_Ohoooo  
Ohoooooooooo  
Ohoooo  
Ohoooooooooo_

_Running down..._

His fiancé.  
His boyfriend.  
His Blaine.  
His life.

They were planning their wedding. That day, it was one month left.  
One month left until they would become Kurt and Blaine Hummel-Anderson.  
Blaine had only gone to get coffee from the coffee shop down the street.  
He never came back.  
He never came home.

Kurt lifted his head and looked at the tombstone.  
"I tried Blaine, I really did.  
It's been one year now. In one month we were supposed to celebrate our first of many anniversaries as husbands.  
"I tried living without you Blaine, I really did.  
Not because I wanted to, but because I know you wouldn't forgive me if I didn't try..  
"It's been one year now.  
Nothing has changed.  
And I miss you more every day.  
I love you more every day.  
I know with everything I am, with every fiber of my being that this will never end, never change.  
My love for you is eternal; nothing and no one can change that."  
His black pants were entirely soaked, as was his red coat, the only color he'd worn in a year.  
Everything was stark against his pale, sickingly thin body.  
With a wet, shaking hand, he pulled a handkerchief out if his shirtpocket, putting it to his face; drawing in the faint scent of Blaine that still lingered there somehow, one year after.  
"I've tried for so long.  
And even though it's been exactly one year, I still can't rid myself of the feeling that any moment, you will walk through the door, two cups of coffee and a bag of bagels in your hand, with your dorky, neon-pink sunglasses on, humming along to some Disney-song, and kiss me good morning.  
"I've been waiting, hoping, yearning for that to happen, even though I know it won't.  
You never came. And I realized this morning that never will."  
Kurt took a deep, shaky breath.  
"I DON'T WANT TO FORGET YOU!" he yelled towards the sky, in pure desperation.  
"I don't want to live on without you, knowing that one morning I will wake up, and you won't be the first thing I think about. That one day you won't be on my mind. I can't cope with that!  
"I don't want to wake up next to another person.  
I don't want to live on without you and have kids, because I only ever want YOUR kids, biologically or not.  
I only want YOU as the father of mine, OUR children!.  
I need YOU Blaine. Only you, no one else.  
Dad, Carole, Finn  My family means NOTHING without you.  
I can't think of them now, not anymore. Just you, only you.  
I'm not selfish, I'm not. I'm not doing this for myself; I'm doing this for US.  
I tried, but I'm not strong enough.  
It's been one year Blaine. One year too long. One second too long. But not anymore.  
Now is the time for me to join you.  
I can't live in a world where you don't exist. Not being able to see you smile, not being able to hear you laugh, talk, cry, sing  
I'm not saying goodbye to this world, to this life. There is no world, no life without you here, without you alive.  
"So I'm not saying goodbye. I'm saying hello. Hello to you"  
He took a small bottle out of his pocket.  
"I'm sorry darling, I wish I was stronger. I hope you'll forgive me"  
Kurt traced the name on the tombstone. Blaine Anderson.  
He made sure that would be the last thing he saw in the world. In his mind, he could see Blaine laugh and welcome him into his open arms.  
He drank the contests of the bottle. The world turned black.  
He collapsed back on the ground.  
And Kurt Hummel opened his eyes no more.


End file.
